I think I am on the brink of an existential breakthrough.
I have this...feeling that something is coming.
I'm also in the midst of a ton of changes in life, so that's playing a role.
As a therapist & huge psychology nerd, I am forever making jokes about "existential crises" with my friends & co-workers, but I truly believe they are legit things.
We grow. We develop. We change. We re-evaluate our beliefs, our joys, our pains, our trials, and our life in general.
It is an on-going process, but at times, it all seems to come to a head and you become so much more aware of it. (thank you, new career/job, new apartment, & the ending of a relationship I am quickly realizing was soooo not right)
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
:(
Nate & I decided to officially end things last night.
I couldn't deal with the half and half thing and he still wasn't ready to commit to a relationship.
We both have a ton of stuff happening in our lives right now, so I completely understand that mentality b/c I wasn't looking for a relationship commitment either, just a reassurance that I wasn't just wasting my time.
Since neither one of us wanted to compromise where we were, we decided the best course of action was to just be done. He really wants to still be friends b/c he kept saying "i care about you so much" & i feel the same way, but I told him I need some time to process this. I may or may not have yelled at him a bit for coming back after the 3 week hiatus on our relationship, especially if he didn't know what he wanted...he said he just couldn't get over me either.
It was heart breaking on multiple levels b/c a huge issue with us was our miscommunication with some things. It killed me too, b/c we both admitted to having been pretty sure we had fallen in love w/the other person, despite the quickness of the relationship...which upset both of us, that we were feeling the same way and too stubborn to swallow our pride and discuss that. Ugh. He didn't want to freak me out and I was just freaking out about feeling like that. Ha. Typical.
I'm sad. I'm sad that this didn't work out when we were so perfect for each other. I'm sad this is the first time in over 6 years I've said the "L-word" about someone...as we were laying the relationship to rest. I'm sad that I now understand what it's like to date an awesome guy and he's gone. I'm just sad. But I'm allowing myself a day of wallowing & tears & then done. I already was sad about Nate once, I don't need to go through it all again. (Especially that hangover. No thanks.)
So yes. No more Nate. Sad day. But, if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be...doesn't mean I can't be sad for a little while. (plus, i'm about 5 days out from the placebo pill time...you know what that means...bonus emotions!! yessss!)
I couldn't deal with the half and half thing and he still wasn't ready to commit to a relationship.
We both have a ton of stuff happening in our lives right now, so I completely understand that mentality b/c I wasn't looking for a relationship commitment either, just a reassurance that I wasn't just wasting my time.
Since neither one of us wanted to compromise where we were, we decided the best course of action was to just be done. He really wants to still be friends b/c he kept saying "i care about you so much" & i feel the same way, but I told him I need some time to process this. I may or may not have yelled at him a bit for coming back after the 3 week hiatus on our relationship, especially if he didn't know what he wanted...he said he just couldn't get over me either.
It was heart breaking on multiple levels b/c a huge issue with us was our miscommunication with some things. It killed me too, b/c we both admitted to having been pretty sure we had fallen in love w/the other person, despite the quickness of the relationship...which upset both of us, that we were feeling the same way and too stubborn to swallow our pride and discuss that. Ugh. He didn't want to freak me out and I was just freaking out about feeling like that. Ha. Typical.
I'm sad. I'm sad that this didn't work out when we were so perfect for each other. I'm sad this is the first time in over 6 years I've said the "L-word" about someone...as we were laying the relationship to rest. I'm sad that I now understand what it's like to date an awesome guy and he's gone. I'm just sad. But I'm allowing myself a day of wallowing & tears & then done. I already was sad about Nate once, I don't need to go through it all again. (Especially that hangover. No thanks.)
So yes. No more Nate. Sad day. But, if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be...doesn't mean I can't be sad for a little while. (plus, i'm about 5 days out from the placebo pill time...you know what that means...bonus emotions!! yessss!)
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