Since I have trust issues that very likely could've kept my therapist in business for years, dating is an exceptionally painful form of torture for me. And, my past dating relationships have left more than a little to be desired, I don't really know how to...do it. Boy #1 used to call me a zillion times a day, whether convenient or inconvenient for me, and then get mad if I couldn't or wouldn't give him 110% of my attention...and it drove me CRAZY. Boy #2 was amazing, always talking to me, never pushy, always wanted to be the sweetest person to walk on the planet...but I couldn't deal with that and freaked out. (This is also the time I learned dating younger guys maybe wasn't for me). Boy #3 redefined insane and I have sort of diagnosed him with Borderline Personality Disorder. He would be angry if I texted him 2 or 3 times in one night, the next, he'd be upset if I didn't text him at all...so hot & cold...granted, he was a lying cheater, but still.
All of these...do not much add up to a good dating base for me. From Boy #1, I learned I HATE being smothered, hate having to answer a million texts or phone calls a day, from Boy #2, I think was the sweetest thing ever and treated me very well, so I was able to see what exactly a nice, quality guy is truly like. Boy #3 helped show me how a guy can make the most confident and strong girl fall to pieces when a boy manipulates...you kinda go a little nuts.
So, now, I'm dating this guy. He's...older than I am, and a trainer at my gym. We've been talking for about two months, I think...we had a hiccup or two in the beginning, and have since worked through them. However, since I hate being harassed by the people I'm dating, I've been very hands-off in that department, which I think confuses him, and thus, confuses me. He's flaked once before and he did it again tonight, which is SO frustrating. I understand if something comes up or whatever, but shouldn't you at least let the girl you're dating know? My mind is going to a million different, BAD places.
My issues lies here: how do you know when to be like "yeah, I'm done." or just roll with it? Maybe he got tanked with his buddies (not a good excuse, but whatever) or maybe he's with another girl...or maybe something came up with his sister and his niece, or maybe he's just a jerk. But when I saw him this afternoon, he was all about hanging out tonight, so I don't know.
Seriously. I HATE dating. The guy is awesome...SO hot, so sweet, phenomenal kisser, in great shape (obviously), and likes me a lot...but sometimes lacks in showing it. And I don't know...I don't want to be just some girl he hangs out with sometimes. We're gonna have to have a serious conversation and figure out what's going on b/c I am over this silly "in between/what-if" phase.
No comments:
Post a Comment