Raise Your Hand If...

...you starting crying during the middle of your workout yesterday.

oh...just me, then? Awesome. (A combo of the Boy acting like a 13 year old girl and not acknowledging my existence, my parents' hurtful words the night before, not being 100% over the Boy, and excess emotions from who knows where all made this slightly embarrassing moment a reality).

The past few days have been nothing short of rough.  I seem to have lost my motivation for working out, I haven't been feeling well, looking for jobs is slowly starting to crush my soul, AND my parents seem to think that I'm "not doing anything."

When I was home on Sunday, my father was going on and on about how I clearly was doing something wrong and whatever I was doing in terms of looking for jobs was "clearly  not working."  Uhm, hello, it's not like I've been looking for THAT long ( I mean, 3.5 months FEELS like forever, but in reality, it takes around 7 months or so). He went as far as to suggest I sublet my room in my apartment and move back to NWI..as if moving back to NWI would make me find a job faster.

Uh...I HATE it there.  It is NOT my home anymore.  Outside my family, there are only a handful of people that I care about..I've lost touch with numerous friends, having been consumed with school for 2 years and them with their own families/kids.  When I moved up here 2.5 years ago, I all but was waving my middle finger high and saying "peace out, bitches!"...to Schererville, to former friends, to my unfulfilling life there...

What I can't understand is how my father thinks that me moving back there would FIX anything.  It would make it worse.  I'm almost positive I'd slip into some sort of depression.  My friends are HERE.  My life is HERE.

I don't understand why my family is so stupid when it comes to me and my job search.  J&L will NEVER make me happy or fulfilled...which is why I'm NOT working there now.  They want me to apply for "other" jobs now...basically, take time off of my REAL job search to look for jobs that are more menial or whatever.  Because that makes sense.  So, on Thursday or Friday, after I force myself to have a killer workout, I'm going to shower at the gym and hop the bus & go up the street and go inquire if a few places close by are hiring...first stop? Victoria's Secret.  Can you imagine my uberChristian, uberConservative parents having to tell their friends their daughter works at Victoria's Secret?  It would be AWESOME.

But really...this is it.  I'm gonna do whatever the hell it takes to get  a job in my field.  And when I do, I'm going to hop around my parents and say "fuck you doubters, look what I did.  Thanks for always 100% believing in me!"  Because it seems they have stopped doing that and it sucks.  Maybe, to add insult to injury, I'll reconcile w/the Boy, who was by NO means close to their ideal mate for me...which definitely added to his appeal, let me tell you. But whatever.  I'm not so much sad anymore as really really pissed.  Here I go.