Confessions.

As I was flirting w/the cute boy at GNC today, I had an interesting realization: this is the first time in well over a year I've been 100% boy-free.

No boyfriend. No palate cleanser. No potential. 100% single. Weird.

Time for a confession: I'm sad. Really really sad. I miss Nate. I miss Rick. I miss having someone.  BUT... I like being single.  I don't understand myself.

I know, I know, everyone probably thinks it is absurd that I miss Nate... but it was not all bad. A lot of it was great. Really great.  But also, this exact time last year, we were doing the "brand new" thing and I'm constantly getting hit with waves of nostalgia. & memories of how much I was loving what was happening last year. Maybe after this week, my nostalgia will abate some and I will go back to missing Nate abstractly instead of so painfully.


I miss Rick b/c he was perfect and he wanted and encouraged me to be myself. He remembered everything I ever said to him-which I always felt was disconcerting at first, but then came to appreciate.  I liked how I felt when I was with him, all the time.

In all honesty, I truly think that really, I miss having someone to talk to, to call/text every day, to snuggle, kiss, and do all those couple-y things with. I do NOT miss the insanity that relationships bring, the "what now?" and all those thoughts.  HOWEVER, sometimes, I think it I really do just miss the guys themselves.

I like being single because I like being independent, I like being selfish (gasp!) & not having to worry about other people when I make plans, or when I sign up for RVA shifts, or when my schedule at CAFRCC fills up like crazy and I'm working like a crazy woman, I won't have to feel guilty.  I  LIKE that.

And it's because I like both things (relationships and single life) that I can say I'm probably safer being single right now. I'm still sad about an ex! An ex who caused me heartbreak, but an ex who also, ironically enough, was the first guy I was in love with since I was 20. I'm not the kind of person who believes that jumping to a new relationship is the best way to get over an old relationship. Therefore, I'm staying single right now. Remembering I love myself and who I am and what I am becoming. I don't need someone else to love me to feel like a real person, I handle that just fine by myself. 

All of these things, added up, on top of the fact that I haven't been able to leave my house without several extra layers of clothing since December, have lead to me being a very sad girl for the past few days.  Doesn't help that EVERYONE seems to have paired off recently and I'm over here like "I PR-ed my deadlift this week!!"  This funk will pass, I know it will,, and I'm ready for it to do so.