Lettin' It Flow

...is not easy.
But, it's teaching me a lot about myself and about dating/relationships & about life in general.

Life is not something I can control, no matter how much I want to or how much I try to.

My career is at a stand still right now.  I am literally spinning my wheels, waiting for my LPC to come in the mail so I can FINALLY see real clients and do real therapy.  I'm so excited, I can barely stand it b/c I am so ready to hit the PLAY button my career and get it rolling in the right direction...but there's nothing I can do about it.  I can't make it come faster.  I can't make the licensing board work quicker.  I can't make Illinois a more efficient state...I just have to wait.  And it's making me CRAZY.  But I'm learning patience.  I finally admitted defeat and I'm going home to work at J&L 2 days a week...4.5 hours in the afternoon & then 4.5 hours the next morning (ok, more like 4 since I don't get there right at 8am b/c I don't really care & no one's gonna say anything so...)mostly b/c I just can't deal with having nothing to do...although the weather in Chicago is FINALLY turning into spring, I still just...I need to work.

Nate & I are still crazy about each other and still "lettin' it flow."  He's got some freaky ass mental connection and will text/call me the the minute I start to get a little frustrated w/what exactly is going on.  But we're still good.  We talked on the phone today and acted just like our old selves, except there were a few times when we tripped over our words when we were trying to discuss what exactly was going on with us in terms of our relationship.  But things are good.  Slow. Flowin'. or whatever.

Overall,  though, this is a good lesson for me.  Life isn't always perfect.  I can't control...well, ANYTHING in my life.  My career? My love life? My new apartment?  My body? All of those things take time and patience, and hard work.  They do not come easily. The only thing I have even the remotest control over of that list is my body...and for a long time, it felt like I had NO control over it,...till I learned HOW.  But, unfortunately, I can't learn how to control my career or my love life or other people.  And really, why would I WANT to?

It's not an easy lesson to learn.  I kinda wish I was learning it with something that was NOT a romantic relationship, buuuut hey.  It will help w/Nate and it will help if there are other relationships in the future.