Now & Then

Now...

I am self aware.

Then...

I let other's dictate and tell me what I should do and how I should feel (they were almost always incorrect.  Not TOTALLY incorrect, but they are not me)

Now...

I can recognize a bad idea.

Then...

I thought I was solving everyone's problems.

Now...

I can resist the temptation to act on those bad ideas and impulses.

Then...

I would do it anyway and then subsequently be miserable for the next month.

Now...

I know who I am...most days.

Then...

I had no idea. I just wanted to have friends.

Now...

I know what a healthy relationship is.

Then...

I thought feeling like trash & a mess was normal when you were in a relationship (oh Josh. you crazy mess...FRICK.  got a new phone, probs lost the "reject list"-ha, how funny that's what it's really called!-here's hoping he doesn't sense the window of stalker-tunity...see what i did there? :-P)

Now...

I'm sad.

Then...

I was a disaster.

Now...

I am a mess, lost, empty, sad, confused, resisting all sorts of bad impulses, wishing things were different, wishing life had an undo button, and wondering what the future will bring.

Then...

I was just a mess.

It's funny how life works.  Everytime I get too cocky or comfortable, I am almost inevitably proven wrong.  WTF, mate? It's getting old.  But, I know there are lessons to be learned.  But for once, I'd like to learn a lesson with a happy ending.  That's all.